PART 4 – DESIGNING WITH SCARS AND LEARNINGS
I left off in Part 3 of the DESIGNING OUR LIVES AND LEADERSHIP SERIES talking about the power of scars, they tell stories, they empower, they are reminders of how we conquered.
So now let’s talk about designing a life, designing leadership with the assumption that there will be some scars and there will be learnings.
When we’re going through the process of wanting to design something amazing, we’ll design TOWARDS a glowing, positive, beautiful image, the best way it’s going to look. For example, a new set of results that we are committed to, or a particular relationship experience we are looking forward to, or the relationship with ourselves that excites us, or the type of parent, business partner, community leader we want to be. It will be picture perfect in our eyes.
If someone is designing from wounds, I’ve got a little radar for knowing they’re designing from unprocessed emotions. They’re not just talking about how they want it to be but it will be AWAY FROM what they don’t want it to be. For example: I don’t want to feel these things, I don’t want to have people do these things or I don’t want people thinking they can do that or I’ve got to watch out for that. So a big heads up, if you’re doing any design work or doing any intentions, goals, systems or processes from the don’t want to or can’t have that or shouldn’t be, that’s a sign you’re designing AWAY FROM something, and designing from a wound.
I used to let people design from their wounds, because they were so excited and they would want it so badly and it would feel really good to start to plan around things not being a certain way. But after over a decade of working with people in this capacity and after my own life experiences, I learnt that designing from wounds usually gets us quick action, quick traction, quick gratification but we don’t get healthy, sustainable, long lasting results. So before you know it, we’re back to the drawing board again wondering why it didn’t work out. So now when people are in that design space and they want to design from the wound, I just say WOOOO…HOLD UP!
It’s like childbirth. Or for people out there who are not familiar with that experience, you can liken it to doing a #2 on the toilet!! HA! I can’t believe I’m saying this!.. We know if we’re doing a lot of pushing with our design work then something’s not right. The old school midwifery technique was to say PUSH! Force that baby out! And there’s still a lot of that going on now, just wanting to get it out and get it out now! But more and more experts are saying just hold on, breathe and wait.
If we’re having to push it means that the chemical processes and all the things at play, that need to happen with our body, are not yet lined up yet for delivery. Your body will take over. In childbirth it’s called the fetal-ejection response, a process where it just happens on its own with no conscious “having to push”, the body just pushes.
I feel exactly the same way about design work and designing our results. If you’re having to push, if you’re straining, struggling or forcing, all of those are representative that you’re designing from a wound. So I say hold on and breathe, because just like delivering a baby or a #2, design work is meant to come with ease and grace.
In some cases, we’re just not ready to start doing the design work and doing the aligning work straight afterwards. In this case, there’s actually more wound work, there’s more past resolution, there’s more unconscious completion work to do. There’s more closure needed so that we can design and create from a scar, with empowered learnings which serve us, which serve our future, that makes us more adaptable, gives us more choices, makes us more open minded. That’s the space we want to be in.
When I meet some people that are clear and empowered and they’re working from their scars, I’m like.. Great!, let’s just do the design work and align you and off we go. With others, there are language indicators and behaviours that show an experienced coach that this person is operating from a wound and there’s past resolution that needs to happen. Ultimately, people’s behaviour and the language they use is the full reflection of their unconscious, what is going on and what they’re fully aligned to. It shows whether they’re aligned to the pain from their past, or the vision of their future with their power in the present.
So essentially, where we start in the DESIGN, ALIGN and SHINE process is unique to everyone. It’s always different. Everyone’s unique, everyone is beautiful and everyone is capable of great things.
So, are you ready to dress your wounds, nurture your scars and shine like a star?
If so, join one of our programs. They’ve been running in various incarnations for over 10 years with people joining from all over Australia and as far as the UK and USA.
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